Silicone vs. Saline and other thoughts

Hey everyone!  I thought I'd give another update for those who are interested. 

If you don't already know/haven't seen my previous posts, I have Fibromatosis.  It is, as I'm calling it for now, a very rare form of breast cancer with some benign qualities and some malignant qualities.  I had a lumpectomy to remove the tumor, but the margins weren't clear, so I'm going back in for a mastectomy on December 27.

I met with my Plastic Surgeon again today, and we had a longer (hour long) consultation discussing options, looking at pictures, etc.  He also pulled out a loose stitch from my lumpectomy -- OUCH!  But besides that one thing, the appointment went very well.  I'm still not really sure exactly what I'm going to do, but I still have a lot of time to figure that out.  Even after my mastectomy and tissue expander placement on the 27th, I'll have about 3-4 months or so before my exchange surgery.  So questions like silicone vs. saline and how big of an implant I'm gonna get have time to be answered.  I'm also not sure if I want to try to do nipple reconstruction or not, but that has time to be decided as well.

I am so lucky to have the people in my life that I do.  Shout-out to my Mommy, Lisa, Nicole, and Justin, who have all been soooo supportive and helpful through this whole thing.  All of my friends and family have been great.  My mom has been with me to every appointment since the very beginning and took care of me when I was recovering from my first surgery.  Lisa has been my mentor, she went through the same process as me with the same surgeons and everything.  She has accompanied me to both of my consults with the Plastic Surgeon, and she has been a great resource for me.  Not only that, but she's very caring and it's really nice to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what I'm going through.  Nicole is great, I can call her any time I need to vent or just be sad and she's always there for me.  She even wants to go with me when I get my tattoo on my breast - and she wants to get one too.  That's why she's my boo for life.  And Justin - I am so blessed to have him in my life.  He has been so great to me, he's going to be with me for my surgery and the first part of my recovery.  He's been there for me since the beginning, sticking by me and supporting me.  The timing for meeting him is kinda bad, since he met me right when this was all starting and now he has to deal with it too, but also SO good for me, since I have him to support me and comfort me. 

I am also privileged to be so well cared for by my doctors and nurses.  I feel like they all really care about me, they have all been very compassionate, helpful, and supportive.  I really like all of them.  I loved the nurse I had before my lumpectomy, she liked me so much that she found me when I was in recovery even though I had a different nurse - just to check up on me.  I'm thinking about requesting her to be my nurse for my mastectomy too, if that's possible. 

Finally, I have to thank the wonderful ladies of Breastcancer.org - they have all been amazing.  They are all so strong and brave, and having them to talk to has been immensely beneficial for me. 

Having all of these people around me has really made this whole process a lot easier.

To be honest, I am starting to get scared.  Mostly what I'm scared of is the impending freak-out that is bound to happen.  I have had a few freak-outs, but for the most part I have been handling myself pretty well through all of this.  I just know that at some point, as my surgery gets closer, it's all really going to hit me what is going to happen.  I'm going to lose my breast and my nipple.  And I AM going to freak out about it.  I mean like REALLY freak out, not just cry a little and then be done with it.  I am afraid of what that's going to look like and I am afraid for whoever has to witness it.  Hopefully it won't be too bad.

Alright, that's all for now.  Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my journey, I appreciate you all. <3 br="br">