Via Transformativa

    I already realized I was a work in progress, but I’m just now realizing how beautiful that is!  Let me attempt to explain.

    I was listening to a podcast (The One You Feed - What Creation Spirituality Means with Matthew Fox) and the guest was talking about the four paths of creation spirituality.  Creation spirituality is about the sacredness of nature and our existence, and the four pathways are the "Vias": Via Positiva, Via Negativa, Via Creativa, and Via Transformatvia.  He talked about how each pathway can lead to the next, and how the Via Creativa acts as a bridge to the Via Transformatvia.

    I've heard all the clichés - you are enough, perfectly imperfect, etc., but I never put much actual thought into them, into believing them.  I struggle with perfectionism, probably to an exorbitant degree as someone with OCD, and I realize that my struggle, my struggles, make me who I am in this moment.  I'm inclined to read back over this blog, combing it for areas where I can reword things or take out a word, but I know it won't ever be perfect.  It doesn't have to be!  This is my craft, my creative outlet.  It is only one of many, I'm fortunate to have multiple creative outlets, but so are we all!  From what I gleaned from the podcast, everyday decisions are part of the Via Creativa.

    The commandment of the Via Transformativa is "Be You Compassionate as You Creator in Heaven is Commpassionate."  I'm not religious, though I spent a few years in college attending bible study.  I needed that at that point in my life, and I will be forever grateful for that experience.  It was an important part of my story.

    Now, I'm spiritual, in the sense that I believe that every person has a Higher Power in them, perhaps their "good wolf" in the parable of The One You Feed podcast.  I've always been a compassionate person, and I'm realizing that is thanks to all my past experiences, the good and bad.  The Via Positiva and Via Negativa.

    Anyway, to the point, I am realizing that I am on this path, and I am living my purpose.  I am a mother, I am a nurse, I am an artist, I am a writer.  I am fortunate to be on this path, even though I have suffered misfortune.  My most notable recent bout of suffering was my time at Sierra Vista, but that experience shaped me into who I am today.  It gave me another layer to my compassion, and it provided me with tools, coping strategies.  The Next Steps program further taught me important lessons, allowing me to tease myself apart in ways that I hadn't ever before.  It also taught me the importance of self-compassion.

    Life is hard.  Motherhood is hard.  I feel like I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do, but I'm realizing I have the same amount of time as everyone else, I just have an uncanny ability to squander it.  Ever since my hospitalization, I have a newfound appreciation for my freedom, and everything that I have, which makes everyday tasks a bit more time consuming.  This means, there is room for improvement!  I bought a timer with an intent to use it for cleaning tasks to keep myself on track, but I still need to set up the system that I want to use.  That can wait, I am still a procrastinator after all.

    I've changed immensely from the person I was when I started this blog, but I am still the same person in my soul.  This blog is aptly named, it is simply the place I can go to speak my truth in my natural format.  I am grateful to be back here. I will never be perfect, and as of now, that is okay with me.