Happy Birthday to ME

Well, today I turn the big 19. Isn't that great?!?

Except, my boyfriend is pissed at me because he feels that I cheated on him and betrayed him. And he is upset that I am not taking what I did as a big deal. Of course, I can't stand when people cheat on their SO's. It's horrible. So why would I do such a thing and feel so nonchalant about it? Well, I don't feel nonchalant because my boyfriend, my love, my life does not, and I would never want to cheat on him or do anything to cause him such sadness. And yet I did... what's going on here?

Mmkay, here's what happened. It's New Years Eve. I'm not much of a drinker, but I was hanging out with my dear friend who I'll call Susie and we decided to have a few drinks. My boyfriend was working all night, so unfortunately I couldn't bring in the new year with him. Anyway, so Susie and I are like best friends, and since it was just her and I together to celebrate 2009, we ended up kissing each other. Just a couple pecks. I thought it was no big deal. I was ashamed that I had drank so much that night, but not so much that I kissed my best friend cuz I thought it was just harmless fun.

Here's the problem - he does NOT see it that way. In the beginning of our relationship we discussed what we considered cheating, and we came to the agreement that kissing someone else was cheating. Silly I thought that that implied kissing someone of the opposite sex, and that it didn't include best friends of the same sex. Another mistake I made was that I didn't tell him about it until tonight, 3 months after the incident. This I do feel very bad for, the reason I didn't tell him sooner was because I was ashamed that I drank after I said I wouldn't again. I know this is a stupid excuse, that there is no excuse for not telling him sooner and for keeping such a secret from him. But I honestly thought that if he was going to get mad, it would be about the drinking, not about the kissing. He is really upset for these reasons: that I kissed a girl, essentially cheating on him from his perspective, that I took so long to tell him about it, and that I don't feel that what I did (kissing a girl) was wrong.

I do not feel that me kissing my friend really counts as cheating on him. If I felt that way even a little bit back when this was going on, I would NOT have done it. I'm unsure of what I should think. I know that we said kissing someone else was cheating. Maybe that's it, and I shouldn't be allowed to have thought there were hidden details in our agreement on what constitutes cheating. I do feel HORRIBLE that what I did has hurt him so much. I do not want him to feel that I am untrustworthy and I want him to know that I will never do anything like that again now that I truly understand how hurtful he feels it is.

I guess I should have known that it would be considered cheating since we said kissing is cheating.

I dunno...

I feel horrible for the whole situation.

Happy birthday to me.

Lent

I'm giving up something for Lent. Something that I greatly cherish and I don't know if I'll be able to last, but we shall see.

I

am

not

going

to

PROCRASTINATE!

Okay, so I dunno if I would say that I cherish procrastination. But it is definitely a time-sucker in my life. And I know I'm kind of procrastinating right now since I have a chem midterm and lab due tomorrow and I'm on here again. But this is just a quickie, so it doesn't count.

Now, I don't know if this is really an appropriate thing to give up. I don't know if it's supposed to be something tangible or something you do... but I guess procrastinating could be considered an activity. In reality, it's pretty much any activity that you shouldn't be doing because of something else that is more important... man, this is going to be HARD!

Well... wish me luck.

[Oh no! Does this mean no more Word Challenge?]

friends make the world go 'round.

Sometimes you just need an ear.
Sometimes you just need a shoulder.
Sometimes you just need a hand.
Sometimes you just need an embrace.

Sometimes you just need a friend. <3

A true art form.

I have so much to do in the next few days. A paper due Wednesday, a midterm on Wednesday and another one on Friday. I know I have to ace all of these examinations of my academic progress if I am going to procure my desired grades. And yet, here I am. Staring off into space, playing "Word Challenge" on Facebook, and now creating a new blog site. Why, you may ask, am I doing such worthless, time consuming activities instead of the important stuff?

The answer: because I am a procrastinator.

I always have been, and I'm starting to realize that I probably always will be. You'd think I would learn after years and years of stress-inducing dilly-dallying, but it appears I still haven't. The problem is, I always manage. I get my stuff done, and I get decent grades, so I figure - why do now what you can do later?

There's a flaw in the system, though. Although I manage to get by with my severe case of procrastination, I certainly could do better. If I had been working non-stop on my chemistry homework, I might have been done by now. Instead, I got frustrated after every problem that I didn't get right and resorted to other silly pass-times. Believe you me, I will get it done. But if I had it done by now, I could be working on my math homework or my women's studies paper. I just enjoy causing more problems for myself than are really necessary.

So, the moral of the story is, don't frolic in the fields when you should be doing something more productive.

"Procrastination is the thief of time." I forget who said this, but I think her name was Marie Dupont or something like that. Nevermind, I guess Edward Young said it. Anyways, I knew it was someone who said it.

-the Picasso of Procrastination