overdue update - I got in!

For anyone who doesn't know yet, I finally got into nursing school!  I'm in my 6th week at Sac State, and I love it!  I have learned so much already and had various experiences with patients, including today which was my first time working with an RN in the hospital and taking care of a specific patient.  Other than that I have worked in a Skilled Nursing Facility with a CNA, worked with a Home Health RN in patients' homes, and worked with a CNA in the hospital.  I've also worked in the simulation lab.  I think this is the career for me.

I definitely feel that my past experiences have helped me a lot in this program.  I've had surgeries, I've been in the hospital, I've slept in that hospital bed (and got a horrible night's sleep), I've done the "try to do laps around the nurses station and barely get down the hall a few feet" thing.  I've dealt with horrible nausea and the most intense pain I've ever felt; I've also gotten to feel the relief of the potent Dilaudid, although there were times when the pain seemed unstoppable even with that.  I've experienced a lot of the side effects of surgery and medications that we've learned about.  I've had limited range of motion, being unable to even put on a T-shirt.  I've gone home with drains and had to measure my own output from them.  These experiences have helped when learning about this stuff in school, but they have also helped me relate to the people I am working with.  I have an ability to empathize with them in a way that I don't think is possible without having gone through a similar experience.  Everyone's experience is different, and of course I haven't gone through everything that my patients have gone through, but I can relate on a personal level to a lot of the things I've seen in the hospital.  I'm so grateful for my experiences as a patient, although it was difficult for me at the time.  I am hopeful that they will help me be the best nurse I can be someday.

Okay, that's all for now.  I have a habit of writing these when I actually have things to do.  I got midterms to study for!  Adios amigos :)

Nursing School Round 2

So, as many of you may know, I did not get in to nursing school last fall.  I knew it was competitive (SF State only accepted 20 students!  And only THREE in my concentration!) but I thought I had a shot.. ah well.  I was somewhere around number 8 on the waitlist for SF State, but was ultimately rejected.  Also I was rejected right away from USF, which I thought I had a better chance of getting in to than SF State...

Anyway, I decided to take that experience and do as much as I could to improve my resume, and try again!  Over the summer I took an EMT class, and I attended the USF info session to see exactly how they wanted us to write our personal statements and resumes.  I also retook a class that I had taken at UCSB many years ago (in 2009 I think) and went from a C+ to an A.  The USF spring application is due on October 15, so I am working on improving my personal statement and resume for that.

However, since my first round of applications, I became aware that I can actually apply to Sac State!  I had been scouring their website since the beginning of my nursing school journey, looking to see if they would reinstate their Accelerated Second Bachelor's program, but it was and still is on hiatus.  I only recently became aware that I can apply to the traditional BSN program there as a second bachelor's student!  And since I already have a degree and all the pre-reqs and co-reqs completed, I would go straight into the nursing program.  That would only take me 2 years to complete, as opposed to 4 like I was originally thinking.  This program just makes so much sense for me.  It is so much more affordable than USF, it is in Sacramento (many benefits there, although it would be pretty cool to live in SF -- just really expensive, on top of the crazy expensive tuition), and it is a very well respected program. It has become my top choice this round, although USF is still a great option.

The problem with Sac State is that it is highly impacted, and they go on a point system.  There is no subjectivity, and there are no bonus points for any compelling experience.  No personal statements for them to get an idea of who you are as a person.  They only look at the number of points you have, determined by GPA, TEAS score, and optional points for speaking a foreign language, having healthcare experience, coming from a low income family, and coming from a disadvantaged high school (3 points each).  My GPA for the courses they look at is about 3.65, which sounds high but only translates to 25 points out of 50 possible for GPA.  I also get 6 points for optional criteria (speaking Spanish and having healthcare experience).  That put me at 31 points going in to the TEAS.  The point cutoff last semester was 71 points, and the trend has been that each semester, the point cutoff goes up by 2 points.  This does not necessarily mean that the point cutoff will be 73 this time, but I predict it will be somewhere around there.

I went into the TEAS (Test of Essential Academic Skills) knowing that I had to score high to bring my points up.  I took it for the first time on the 25th, and I scored 93.3%.  This is a very high score, 99th percentile, but unfortunately only corresponds to 37 points out of 50 for that section.  That put me at 68 points, not high enough for me to feel good about my application.  Although, there is no guarantee, and it is possible that I would have gotten in with 68 points.  However, I saw that there was an opening to sign up to take it again on the 29th, and if I were to score higher, Sac State would only look at the highest score.  So, I did it, and I got a 96% the second time!  That score gave me 43 points, so that plus my original 31 gives me 74 points on my application.  Yay!

The application for Sac State is due tomorrow, October 1.  I turned it in today, hand delivered it to make sure that they got it.  Now, I am anxiously waiting to hear back.  I reallllly hope that the trend continues and that I get in, because I would really love to start nursing school there in the spring.

I am still applying to USF as well, that is a great school and the more applications the better.  SF State does not accept entry level masters applications in the spring, but I may apply to their Bachelors program, which doesn't open until mid-October for next fall.  However, my top choice at this point is Sac State.  Fingers crossed that I get in!

It is crazy, because at the beginning of my time at UCSB I was seriously considering transferring to Sac State to try to get in to their nursing program.  However, at the time it would have been for all the wrong reasons.  I was having a rough time at UCSB, but transferring was not the right thing to do at the time.  I am really glad that I ended up staying there, because my life would definitely not have gone the way it has.  I built friendships there that I still cherish, and I had a great time there despite my rough first year.  I also have met people since then that I would not have met if I had transferred.  If I end up going to Sac State, it feels like I took the long road, but the journey was much more rewarding.  That sounds so cheesy, but it's true.

Well, that's all for now.  This blog has kind of transitioned away from my whole breast cancer thing and back to just being about things going on in my life, but maybe people will still read it :)  October is breast cancer awareness month though, and I am excited to wear the pink ribbon pashmina that Jeffrey got me for Christmas last year.  There's something breast cancer related!  I hope you all wear pink at least once this month!  Hehe.  I also just remembered the pink ribbon jacket that Chris and Zahra got me for my birthday, I'm looking forward to wearing that too as the weather gets cooler.  Yay fall!

Okay adios amigos :)

quick post - nursing is on my mind

I don't know why I had the sudden urge to post a blog, since my head is pounding from this annoying cold and I should really just go to bed.  But I have been working on my SF State nursing application and I feel the need to share my excitement/exhaustion.

Whew, this application process is a long one!  I have to apply to the university and also apply separately to the nursing program.  Both of the applications require many of the same things, such as test scores and transcripts, so I have been working on getting that all settled.  I took the GRE and scored well (in my opinion), except that my writing score was not as high as I was expecting or as high as I would have liked.  So I am retaking it on the 15th, with hopes of increasing the writing score without a drop in the other scores.  However, the nursing program that I'm applying to only really looks at writing, so it seems that if I don't score as high in the other categories it won't really matter.

I just wrote out two long and thought out emails to previous professors asking them to write a letter of recommendation for me.  I hope that they say yes and that I gave them enough time to write them (the application is due Feb 1!!!  Where has the time gone?).  Other than that I'm almost done with everything.  Transcripts are being sent to the university and the nursing program (so twice per transcript x 3 transcripts x about 15 bucks per transcript = nothing compared to the total price of applying to grad school... sigh, I really really hope I get in).

In other news, things are going pretty well.  Life is good.  I am happy to officially be done with pre-reqs (at least for the SF State program.. let's pray that I get in and won't have to deal with the possibility of having to apply elsewhere and possibly having to take an interpersonal communication class).  I am happy that it has been over a year since my mastectomy and that I feel pretty much back to normal.  I am scared at how fast time seems to be going by, but I am excited to see what 2014 brings.  Oh and random but I got the polar ft 60 heart rate monitor for Christmas (ahem, thanks Santa-Mom!) and it has really been forcing me to stay on track with exercising.  I even went to the gym yesterday despite just wanting to sleep and be lazy, and I definitely would not have gone if it had not been for my desire to get my stars and trophy for doing a good job for the week.  If you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about.  Otherwise I'm probably making no sense.

Okay my head is about to explode, so I'm going to turn on Friends and go to sleep.  Adios amigos!

Long time no see!

Hey everyone!  Sorry I've been neglecting this blog, I almost wrote an update a few months ago but then I felt like I didn't really have anything new to say since I stopped having to go to appointments and stuff.  But since it's been a while I thought I would post an update on my life.

So, it has been over a year since my diagnosis with Fibromatosis.  I cannot believe how fast time has gone by.  Since then I've had 3 surgeries and about a zillion doctors appointments, but now things are all settled down in the breast department.  I do have some comments on life since mastectomy and reconstruction:

I am very pleased with how everything looks.  It looks and feels better and much closer to natural than I thought possible.  That is not to say that the "foob" looks natural by any means, it really doesn't, but in clothes or even a bathing suit I don't think anyone can tell a difference, so that's cool.  I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do now, if anything.  Nipple reconstruction?  Nipple tattoo?  Artistic tattoo (maybe of a pretty flower or something)?  Nothing?  I really don't know.  My scars are still very noticeable, and I don't know if they're ever going to fade.  Unfortunately I really don't scar well.  It might be nice to have a badass tattoo instead of a big scar across the chest.  But, who knows.  I have forever to make up my mind, because I could also just leave it like this and it would be fine.  Decisions decisions.  For those thinking a big tattoo would hurt, it really wouldn't, since I have no sensation in that area.  So that's a bonus :)

Aside from the looks, I have noticed a big change that kind of bothers me.  Since the reconstruction left me with no breast tissue on the right side and a pec muscle that's not the same as it used to be, with an implant underneath, I feel a lot weaker in terms of upper body strength.  I used to be able to do at least a few pull-ups at any given time, and now I can't even do one without pain.  I used to be able to do at least 20 push-ups at a time, and now I struggle with 10.  I can barely lift the 6 or 7 pound weights that are lying around the house.  I even struggle with the 3 pounders I bought sometimes when I'm doing my Jillian Michaels workout DVD, but I just imagine it's because that DVD itself is surprisingly hard.  In terms of everyday strength, it's not something that really limits me.  Mostly when I'm exercising is when I notice it.  This is not something that I was aware would happen before my surgery, but after consulting with the breast cancer forum I have found that this is a common side effect of implant reconstruction.  I wish I had known about that before my surgery.  I'm not saying I would have changed my reconstruction method, but it would have gone into consideration.  Of all the different forms of reconstruction, what I did was probably the easiest, with the quickest recovery and the least amount of scars, which is all good.  So, I probably still would have chosen it.  Overall I'm happy with the results, but that's just something I noticed.

You all may or may not know, but I'm someone who is more at risk for skin cancer than most.  I have annual dermatology appointments, I don't even know how many moles I've had removed (okay that makes it sound like a lot, so let me count.  I think 6 over the years.)  I've had two of those moles re-excised.  One of the re-excisions happened recently.  I'm already losing track of time, I think it was like in August or something.  I don't remember when exactly, but I went in for my yearly dermatology appointment and I ended up having two moles removed.  Both were atypical, but the one on my ankle was atypical enough to need a re-excision.  So, they went back in and took the surrounding area and made sure there were no atypical cells in the margins.  Atypical does not mean cancerous, and it's not really something to worry about, but from what I understand, an atypical cell is a changing cell that may or may not become cancerous if left where it is.  So that's why they had to go back in and make sure the margins were clear.  Which, they were, no skin cancer for me.  Yay.  Thanks to my mom and my sweet Cesar for going to the re-excision with me.

Now I'm taking my hopefully last pre-req, the survey of chemistry class.  Since I have a lot of background in chemistry, it's not super overwhelming, but it is a hard class.  Especially since I really didn't feel like I knew anything about ochem after taking the two ochem classes at UCSB.  I don't even know how I passed those classes, the material was so hard for me.  This time it is a lot easier to grasp and I feel like I really understand organic chemistry, which is probably important for nursing school.  SF State apps are due in February, I'm planning on applying there and then maybe Samuel Merritt even though it is so expensive.  I hope I get into SF State, even though it would be nice to be able to stay in Sac.  SF State has a good program and it's only 6 semesters instead of like 10 or something for Samuel Merritt.  Still figuring it all out, but I'm really excited for nursing school and to be a nurse someday.

I applied for a job last week as a van driver.  I would drive people to their doctors appointments.  It has something to do with the medical field, so that's good.  I had a really good feeling about it when I applied, but I haven't heard from them yet.  I'm trying to be patient.  Aside from that I've been tutoring pretty regularly.  I tutor a 5th grader in math twice a week, and I'm going to start tutoring a high schooler in Algebra 2 once a week starting tomorrow.  I'm actually really excited about it, I was reviewing my algebra 2 to make sure I still know how to do it and it was so much fun graphing and factoring and all that good stuff.  So that should be fun, and it's nice to have some income every week.

Okay that's all for now.  Adios amigos.

Getting back into the swing of things

I got my drains out on Friday (5/31)!  Can you say OUCH?  I don't know why but the removal of the right drain really hurt.  But it was so worth it to feel normal again.  And I don't have to wear that stupid surgical bra anymore!  I'm actually not supposed to wear a bra for another 6 weeks, which I don't mind at all.  Sports bras are okay as long as the band isn't too tight, and camis with shelf bras are what I think I'll wear most of the time.

I am in love with the results!  To be honest, at first I was scared.  I remember peeking down under the bandages early on and I looked really flat.  Almost flatter than I was beforehand, which I know isn't possible, but that's what it seemed like.  When I actually took off the bra and saw them for the first time, I was happy, but not over the moon.  They looked a lot better than what I was expecting, but seemed a little smaller than I had hoped.  I wasn't intending to look gigantic, but after going through all this I did want to be a little bigger. It seemed like I was about halfway between my old size and my desired size.  However, every day they're looking better and better, and now they seem like the perfect size.  When I got my drains out I tried on one of the bras that was sized to my expander (which is the size I wanted post-exchange), and it fit just right.  I'm so happy.

I also look a lot more natural than I thought would be possible.  In fact, if it wasn't for the missing nipple, I think its hard to tell that they're fake.  And in clothes you can't tell at all, they look almost the exact same.

According to the breastcancer.org world, implants do this thing called "drop and fluff" where they do just that.  They drop into place and they fluff out a little.  That will be happening over the next few months, and it only looks better the more they change.  I'm looking forward to the changes, since they already seem perfect as they are.

I feel really good.  I'm still in my two weeks of very limited activity, but I can do things like go to the movies or out to eat now.  Just no big shopping excursions or anything like that.  Also now that my drains are out I can sleep normally again, and I'm back to sleeping in my bed.

*I wrote that first part a while ago, but then I never posted it.  So, here I am, about 3 and a half weeks post exchange.  I have another check up with my PS sometime next week, which I actually have to reschedule since it's during class time.  I also have my yearly check up with my dermatologist next week, and I have to reschedule that one too.  Hoping all will be well with my skin.

I started summer school last week, and it is killer!  I have class from 9-11 and 12-3 Monday through Thursday, and I'm taking them at SCC so I have a bit of a commute.  My classes are fun, I'm taking Public Speaking and Critical Thinking (my last two nursing pre-reqs!  Except that I might have to take a combination chem class in the fall for SF State, but then I'll be done!).  I hate giving speeches but the speech class is only 4 weeks.  So I'm already 1/4 of the way done with that!  I've already given one speech, I have another one next week and then two more after that.  Then hopefully I'll magically be really good at speaking to crowds of people, lol.  I'm giving my informative speech this week on breast cancer which should be interesting.

Okay I should really do my speech outline and reading and stuff.  Back to the school grind.  Adios!

No more expander!

My surgery is over!  The recovery has been nowhere near as hard as after my mastectomy, but still harder than I was expecting.

First off, I have to say it's true - the relief of not having an expander was felt immediately.  I had gotten so used to having it there that I forgot how uncomfortable and annoying it really was, but I can't really feel the permanent implant at all.  Even with the discomfort in my left side, it is so nice not having that rock-hard feeling anymore.

I've noticed a pattern with my surgeries.  Each time I go into the OR, I remember more and more.  The first time, I barely even remember getting wheeled into the room.  I vaguely remembered trying to slide myself over onto the operating table but even that was fuzzy and I thought it was a dream.  The second surgery, I remember the trip to the OR, I remember scooting myself onto the table, I remember seeing my surgeon, and I remember coughing as they put the mask on me.  The last time, I remember all that, plus I remember them telling me things to think about.  I remember them saying, "think about being at the beach.. or better yet, think about finishing nursing school."  I remember the really pleasant feeling as I drifted off to sleep.  That was nice.

When I woke up, I forgot all that for a moment and thought I was about to start my surgery.  Then I realized that it was already over.  By the time I got my glasses and realized what time it was, it was 11:00, and my surgery started at 8:00.  I think the surgery lasted somewhere between 2 and 2 and a half hours.  I was in recovery for a short while, then I got to go home.

This time when I woke up, I did not have to deal with the nausea like last time.  They were true to their word and gave me a scopolamine patch for behind my ear and a pill, and that with my IV concoction seemed to do the job of preventing nausea.  They told me to take the patch off the next day if I didn't feel nauseous, or to leave it on for up to three days.  I left it on for 2, then I took it off before I took my first shower because I hadn't felt nauseous.  A few hours after taking it off, the nausea was back.  I have been taking Zofran for that but it isn't working as well as that patch did, so I asked my doctor if I could get a prescription for that instead.  I'm hoping he says yes, because nausea realllllly sucks.

What's weird is, this time around, my skin seemed to get super sensitive to everything.  I got a lovely rash on my hand from the tape over my IV, so I guess I'm allergic to that or something.  Also my skin was just really itchy and easily irritated at first.  Another thing was that my mouth was really dry and my throat was really sore for the first couple days.  I don't remember if that happened with my other surgeries, but if it did, it wasn't as bad as this time.  A good thing this time around is the pain is less severe, and when I'm laying down it's usually not noticeable.  Also the range of motion in both my arms seems to be perfect, I can put on a t-shirt with no problem, yay!

I have two drains this time, just like last time.  The difference is, I have a drain on each side this time, which makes it impossible to sleep on my side even a little bit.  Strictly back sleeping until I get these out, which will hopefully be soon.  They're just a pain in the butt to always have there, and like I said, my skin is super sensitive for some reason, so they kinda hurt.  And I have to wear a cami to hook them onto because having the bulb thing touch my skin is an irritant.  Last time I just hooked them to my bra and it was no problem.  They were still annoying, but they're a little worse this time.

Oh, so here's a funny story.  On Friday afternoon, my plastic surgeon called to see how I was doing.  (My breast surgeon and the recovery nurse also called to check on me, that was sweet.  It was especially nice to hear from my breast surgeon, I miss her.)  Anyway, so I asked him about getting my drains waterproofed, because I really didn't want to wait until Monday to take a shower.  He said I could come in that day.  I felt fine, so my mom and I hopped in the car to go to kaiser.  (Well, more like she helped me get in and buckled me.  There was no hopping on my end.)

We were barely halfway down Laguna Blvd (not far from my house at all) when I started getting really tired. The idea of driving all the way to Kaiser, walking all the way to my doctor's office, sitting in the waiting room for who knows how long (since I was a drop-in), sitting in the office, walking back, etc etc, seemed impossible.  I told my mom maybe we should turn around and just do it on Monday.  We almost did, but then she reminded me that Monday was a holiday so it wouldn't be until Tuesday.  So I sucked it up and we powered through to Kaiser.  (I just realized I went a little parentheses-crazy here, lol.)

We pulled up in front and we were really lucky because someone was just leaving one of those wheel chair things and getting into his car.  So I sat in it and my mom tried to figure out how to wheel it off to the side so I could sit while she parked the car.  Another lucky thing was that there was a volunteer escort right there who told us how to use it and wheeled me over to my building.  He even waited with me while my mom parked.  I of course felt like such a dork, wearing sweats and slippers with my drains bulging out through my sweatshirt, but oh well.  I was thankful for that wheel chair, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to walk all the way to the office and back.  And I was glad that we did that, because taking a shower makes everything so much better.

Being couch-ridden is as boring as ever.  Earlier today I finally started playing that Candy Crush Saga game, and I'm addicted to it.  We'll see how long that lasts before I get bored and move on to something else.  When I get enough energy I want to start working through my GRE test prep book which will give me something else to do.  Otherwise, watching TV, doing crossword puzzles, and sleeping are the main activities.

Okay, in case you want to know, I'm gonna play Candy Crush Saga til 11, take my keflex and maybe a pain pill, turn on Friends, and go to sleep.  Nighty night :)

Squishy thoughts

Here I am, finally about at the end of my journey.  Well, depending on if I do nipple reconstruction, maybe one more minor procedure after this.  But tomorrow is the last time I'll be going under anesthesia, hopefully for a long time.  I cannot wait for it to all be over!

I'm not excited about getting up at 5:30, going under, having drains, and recovering, but once that is all over I am so excited to be rid of this expander and be in the squishy world.  I don't know what it's going to feel like to not have a softball in my chest anymore, but I've heard it just feels so much different (in a good way).  Everyone on the breast cancer forum has said that they can just feel the difference right after surgery, and it's so much better, even with the pain.  So yay.

The semester is over, and my classes went well; now I have a couple weeks until summer school starts.  School is never-ending for me, but I love it.  Hopefully I can finish my pre-reqs by July and start applying to nursing school.  So exciting!  I also have a trip to the castle of love in Napa for wine tasting in my near future, so another thing to look forward to.

Okie doke, I'm going to finish cleaning my room, take a shower, and plan out my outfit for tomorrow.  I'm thinking the black button-up that Mom-mom got me and my bright blue sweats.  Haha, so when the lady was talking to me on the phone about what to bring to surgery and stuff, she told me to wear a loose button-up shirt.  "You can borrow one from your dad, or husband, or brother... just find someone with a loose button up shirt to borrow."  I thought it was weird, especially since I already have plenty of loose button up shirts of my own, but also how she was giving me all these people I could ask.  And now apparently I'm supposed to have a husband.  Chuckle chuckle.

Okay nighty night everyone. <3 p="">