Hey everyone! Hope you all had a lovely Valentine's day, mine was nice :)
I had my 6th expansion on Tuesday, putting me up to 325 cc and only one expansion away from being done. It's bittersweet for me, I'm not sad about not having the pain and soreness after each expansion (which has only been getting worse the more expanded I get), but in a way I am going to miss my weekly ritual. Everyone knows me in the plastic surgery department, I'm going to miss seeing them all the time, they're so nice and friendly. My last expansion appt is next Tuesday, and then all that are left are the little details like what kind of implant I'm gonna get. I'm almost positive I want to go with silicone, because if the saline one feels anything like this expander (which is not unlike a softball) that will bug me.
Lately I've been having this thing that I'm referring to as a phantom itch, and it's driving me crazy! I think it's pretty common, it's discussed pretty regularly on the breast cancer discussion boards and I talked to my neighbor recently and she's experienced the same thing. I get an itch on my fake breast, but I have basically no sensation there at all. So when I scratch it, I get no relief! It is so annoying! It comes off and on, I hope it stops soon but some people have said it never fully stops for them, even after the exchange.
Anyway, I've finally been getting back into working out after a long time off. I got the approval to do cardio like two weeks ago, but I never had the motivation to actually do it until last week. Since then I've gone running, played tennis (very poorly), and gone to the gym twice. I'm really going to try to stick to it, I want to get in shape again before my exchange surgery. I want to be at my goal by then. I don't really have a specific goal in terms of weight loss (I don't even know how much I weigh or how much that is affected by the super heavy feeling expander I have), I just want to feel healthy and fit. I figure if I say all this to the public then I'm more likely to actually stick to it. I'm thinking about starting to go to spin class regularly again, those things are killer! Wish me luck :)
Okay I should go, I have two tests next week. Conveniently both on the same day (Wednesday), one for microbio and one for a&p. So I should really study. Adios for now :)
Friday, February 15, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Almost done expanding!
I've been terrible at updating this, I'm sorry about that. I've been keeping pretty busy which is good for me, but it makes me less inclined to post blogs regularly. My bad ;)
I've had expansions # 4 and 5! I'm up to 275, I think I only have a couple more to go. I'm about even right now, a little bigger on the fake side, but all the volume is up high so it looks weird haha. When I go in for the exchange my PS is going to make it so the implant sits lower and I'll look normal. And it won't be a rock hard expander, so yay. I'm really looking forward to the exchange. Unfortunately I have to wait until after the semester is over, because I'll have to take another two weeks off. I think I might have mentioned this in my last blog lol. My mind is all over the place.
My 4th expansion was fine, but after my 5th expansion I had some pain which is weird for me. Luckily it's subsided since then. I don't have a whole lot to complain about expander-wise, but I won't be sad when I say goodbye to it haha. I think I'll be ready for my new silicone friend. That sounded so corny. I'm trying to decide if it's too corny for me to say, but I'm thinking no. I'm such a dork.
Aside from that, I've been really busy with school and really enjoying my classes. Really. I like all of them. My psychology class is full of just-graduated-from-high-school freshmen, and most of them are really immature, but I enjoy the material. Microbio is so much fun! Especially the lab. And anatomy and physiology is as interesting as last semester, although it's a lot more work this time around. I think I'll be almost done with nursing pre-reqs after this semester, then I still want to take that EMT class so I can get some much needed clinical experience before I apply to nursing school. It's so exciting!
Anyway, I'm off to hopefully finish my psychology homework before American Idol starts, wish me luck with that. Ta ta for now. :)
Wait, before I go. I just happened to log into my breastcancer.org account, which I hadn't done for a while, and I had a message from someone else who was diagnosed with fibromatosis in the breast at around the same time I was. This is the first person I have talked to with the same thing as me! As sad of a coincidence as it is, it is really cool to have someone else who really knows what I'm going through with this super rare tumor. That was a nice thing to see. I really hope that she doesn't have to have a mastectomy like I did, but she's already had 3 lumpectomies and is looking into more surgeries. Even though some don't consider this a cancer, I don't see how you can consider it benign.
Okay, I'm really going to sign off now. Adios amigos.
I've had expansions # 4 and 5! I'm up to 275, I think I only have a couple more to go. I'm about even right now, a little bigger on the fake side, but all the volume is up high so it looks weird haha. When I go in for the exchange my PS is going to make it so the implant sits lower and I'll look normal. And it won't be a rock hard expander, so yay. I'm really looking forward to the exchange. Unfortunately I have to wait until after the semester is over, because I'll have to take another two weeks off. I think I might have mentioned this in my last blog lol. My mind is all over the place.
My 4th expansion was fine, but after my 5th expansion I had some pain which is weird for me. Luckily it's subsided since then. I don't have a whole lot to complain about expander-wise, but I won't be sad when I say goodbye to it haha. I think I'll be ready for my new silicone friend. That sounded so corny. I'm trying to decide if it's too corny for me to say, but I'm thinking no. I'm such a dork.
Aside from that, I've been really busy with school and really enjoying my classes. Really. I like all of them. My psychology class is full of just-graduated-from-high-school freshmen, and most of them are really immature, but I enjoy the material. Microbio is so much fun! Especially the lab. And anatomy and physiology is as interesting as last semester, although it's a lot more work this time around. I think I'll be almost done with nursing pre-reqs after this semester, then I still want to take that EMT class so I can get some much needed clinical experience before I apply to nursing school. It's so exciting!
Anyway, I'm off to hopefully finish my psychology homework before American Idol starts, wish me luck with that. Ta ta for now. :)
Wait, before I go. I just happened to log into my breastcancer.org account, which I hadn't done for a while, and I had a message from someone else who was diagnosed with fibromatosis in the breast at around the same time I was. This is the first person I have talked to with the same thing as me! As sad of a coincidence as it is, it is really cool to have someone else who really knows what I'm going through with this super rare tumor. That was a nice thing to see. I really hope that she doesn't have to have a mastectomy like I did, but she's already had 3 lumpectomies and is looking into more surgeries. Even though some don't consider this a cancer, I don't see how you can consider it benign.
Okay, I'm really going to sign off now. Adios amigos.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
More expansions and stuff
Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been updating!
I had my last drain removed and my second expansion a while ago now, I already forget when it was. I have it written down somewhere I think but I'm too lazy to look. My mom couldn't come with me to that appointment, but I was lucky to have my friends Marissa and Vi go with me instead. The drain removal/second expansion appointment was only a couple days after my first expansion, so my Plastic Surgeon was only able to get in 25 cc, bringing me up to 125.
Yesterday I had my third expansion with another 50 cc, so now I'm at 175! Yay! About halfway there or so. I won't be able to have my exchange surgery until after classes are over, though, because my PS said I'll have to take 2 weeks off for recovery. I was hoping it would be more like my lumpectomy where I could bounce back a couple of days later, but sadly no. Also, the Plastic Surgery/Cosmetic Dermatology department moved to a different area, and I got a little confused trying to find it since there were no signs anywhere, but I found it eventually. It's nice, the rooms are a lot bigger, so the next time I bring an entourage with me to an appointment there will be enough room for everyone.
After my expansion yesterday, I really noticed how much heavier that side is starting to feel. Also I've been having really bad upper back pain all day today, and I think it might have to do with the expander. I really hope that it doesn't get worse the more it gets filled because it's pretty uncomfortable and inconvenient. I took a Motrin but that didn't really help, although it did help a little. It may be about time to take another one.
In other news, the past week has been eventful. I had a great time last weekend wine tasting with my mom and our friend Michele in Sonoma, and school started this week. Originally I wanted to take an EMT class and a couple of other nursing pre-reqs, because being an EMT would be a great way to get some clinical experience (especially since it's virtually impossible to volunteer at a hospital and part of the class involves 72 hours of actual ER/Ambulance work), but I realized that would be too much for me right now. They recommend taking the EMT class with no other classes because it is so intensive. I think I might have been okay, but also the physical demands were worrisome to me. We were going to be doing a lot of lifting in that class - as in, lifting other people - and I'm still not really supposed to lift more than 5 pounds. (I even had to ask someone to carry my microscope to my desk for me in lab today, haha!) I also got into the second part of the Anatomy and Physiology series I have to take, and I wanted to take them back to back, so I ended up dropping the EMT class for now. Instead I'm taking A&P II, Microbio, and Psychology. Three more pre-reqs down, and hopefully I can take the EMT class next semester; it seemed really fun.
Being back in the relatively normal world has been good, but it is reminding me that I am still recovering. Having class every day has been draining more of my energy than I thought it would (possibly because of trouble sleeping with this beloved expander of mine), and having to ask people around me for help with seemingly little things is hard for my stubborn nature. I'm trying to learn to carry my backpack on my left shoulder like my Breast Surgeon suggested, but my instinct is to carry it with the right, and the weight of that does feel like too much after a while. To compensate I have been making sure to wear both straps so the weight is evenly distributed, but I think I might have to invest in a shoulder bag and force myself to wear it on the left side. We shall see.
Okay that's all for now. Adios amigos.
I had my last drain removed and my second expansion a while ago now, I already forget when it was. I have it written down somewhere I think but I'm too lazy to look. My mom couldn't come with me to that appointment, but I was lucky to have my friends Marissa and Vi go with me instead. The drain removal/second expansion appointment was only a couple days after my first expansion, so my Plastic Surgeon was only able to get in 25 cc, bringing me up to 125.
Yesterday I had my third expansion with another 50 cc, so now I'm at 175! Yay! About halfway there or so. I won't be able to have my exchange surgery until after classes are over, though, because my PS said I'll have to take 2 weeks off for recovery. I was hoping it would be more like my lumpectomy where I could bounce back a couple of days later, but sadly no. Also, the Plastic Surgery/Cosmetic Dermatology department moved to a different area, and I got a little confused trying to find it since there were no signs anywhere, but I found it eventually. It's nice, the rooms are a lot bigger, so the next time I bring an entourage with me to an appointment there will be enough room for everyone.
After my expansion yesterday, I really noticed how much heavier that side is starting to feel. Also I've been having really bad upper back pain all day today, and I think it might have to do with the expander. I really hope that it doesn't get worse the more it gets filled because it's pretty uncomfortable and inconvenient. I took a Motrin but that didn't really help, although it did help a little. It may be about time to take another one.
In other news, the past week has been eventful. I had a great time last weekend wine tasting with my mom and our friend Michele in Sonoma, and school started this week. Originally I wanted to take an EMT class and a couple of other nursing pre-reqs, because being an EMT would be a great way to get some clinical experience (especially since it's virtually impossible to volunteer at a hospital and part of the class involves 72 hours of actual ER/Ambulance work), but I realized that would be too much for me right now. They recommend taking the EMT class with no other classes because it is so intensive. I think I might have been okay, but also the physical demands were worrisome to me. We were going to be doing a lot of lifting in that class - as in, lifting other people - and I'm still not really supposed to lift more than 5 pounds. (I even had to ask someone to carry my microscope to my desk for me in lab today, haha!) I also got into the second part of the Anatomy and Physiology series I have to take, and I wanted to take them back to back, so I ended up dropping the EMT class for now. Instead I'm taking A&P II, Microbio, and Psychology. Three more pre-reqs down, and hopefully I can take the EMT class next semester; it seemed really fun.
Being back in the relatively normal world has been good, but it is reminding me that I am still recovering. Having class every day has been draining more of my energy than I thought it would (possibly because of trouble sleeping with this beloved expander of mine), and having to ask people around me for help with seemingly little things is hard for my stubborn nature. I'm trying to learn to carry my backpack on my left shoulder like my Breast Surgeon suggested, but my instinct is to carry it with the right, and the weight of that does feel like too much after a while. To compensate I have been making sure to wear both straps so the weight is evenly distributed, but I think I might have to invest in a shoulder bag and force myself to wear it on the left side. We shall see.
Okay that's all for now. Adios amigos.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Had my first expansion!
Yesterday I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon, and I almost tried to postpone it since I knew my drain wouldn't be removed. It wasn't, because it was still over 30 ml every 24 hours, but I did have my first expansion! That was unexpected, I didn't think that process was going to start until after my drain was removed. I was a little scared, especially when he said the needle would go through the muscle and that hurts for some patients. I was lucky, though, because for me it didn't hurt at all. I did feel it go through the muscle, but it wasn't painful. I could feel myself stretch as he put in saline, but it wasn't too uncomfortable. I was a little sore for the rest of the day, but nothing unbearable.
This morning when I woke up I was in more pain than usual, but it got better after I took a Motrin. I think it was because my muscle is still getting used to accommodating a bigger implant. He put in 50 cc when he placed the tissue expander after my mastectomy, and he put in 50 cc yesterday, so now I'm up to 100! [Side note, apparently 1 cc = 1 ml. I learned that today, or maybe yesterday.] Still smaller than the other side, but that's okay. The expander looks pretty ridiculous, but it'll start to look better the more it gets filled. I've heard everything is a lot better after the exchange surgery - much more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing. I'm looking forward to that.
Yesterday morning (around 5am) I woke up in excruciating pain. It was so weird, I had been feeling very little pain lately and had been off the narcotics for about a week. It felt almost as bad as it did right after my surgery. I checked to make sure everything looked okay, and it did. I guess it was just because I had gone on and on about how good I felt that my body decided to remind me that I did just have a major surgery. I was able to get myself up and I took two of my pain pills, and finally I was able to fall back asleep. Thankfully that pain hasn't returned.
Earlier today I started feeling pretty nauseous, I'm not sure what that was about. I took a Zofran (anti-nausea pill) and took a nap and felt a lot better when I woke up. I went out to dinner with Chris and Zahra, that was nice. Now I'm being good and resting :) My drain outputs have been a lot lower, I think I might even be able to have my drain removed tomorrow! We shall see.
I know that I have basically no sensation in my right breast, but today I finally made the realization that I can't feel temperature changes. My hands were freezing and I touched it and couldn't feel it at all. It's such a bizarre feeling (err, lack thereof, lol.) It's kind of cool in a way.
I feel like there was something else I wanted to say, but I forget what it was. I don't think this is what it was, but also, I got in trouble for not consistently taking my antibiotics 4x a day like I'm supposed to. I do sometimes, but other times I had been taking it 3x a day. I figured as long as I finished the whole bottle (60 pills!) eventually that it would be okay. Of course not, I should have known there is a reason for prescribing the dosage that they do. Silly me. So now I have to take another week's worth of antibiotics on top of the rest of the first bottle that I have to finish. That's 28 extra pills! I'm being diligent now, I don't want to get in trouble again and I don't want to get an infection from this drain. That would suck.
Also, I realized that I never followed up on here about the biopsy I had on my left breast before my mastectomy. I know I posted it on Facebook, and so did my mom, so most of you already know, but in case you missed it: that turned out to be a Fibroadenoma as suspected. So, completely benign, it doesn't have to be removed or anything. Yay :)
Okay, that's all for now. Whenever I put a heart on here it posts with all this weird stuff behind it, but oh well. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
This morning when I woke up I was in more pain than usual, but it got better after I took a Motrin. I think it was because my muscle is still getting used to accommodating a bigger implant. He put in 50 cc when he placed the tissue expander after my mastectomy, and he put in 50 cc yesterday, so now I'm up to 100! [Side note, apparently 1 cc = 1 ml. I learned that today, or maybe yesterday.] Still smaller than the other side, but that's okay. The expander looks pretty ridiculous, but it'll start to look better the more it gets filled. I've heard everything is a lot better after the exchange surgery - much more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing. I'm looking forward to that.
Yesterday morning (around 5am) I woke up in excruciating pain. It was so weird, I had been feeling very little pain lately and had been off the narcotics for about a week. It felt almost as bad as it did right after my surgery. I checked to make sure everything looked okay, and it did. I guess it was just because I had gone on and on about how good I felt that my body decided to remind me that I did just have a major surgery. I was able to get myself up and I took two of my pain pills, and finally I was able to fall back asleep. Thankfully that pain hasn't returned.
Earlier today I started feeling pretty nauseous, I'm not sure what that was about. I took a Zofran (anti-nausea pill) and took a nap and felt a lot better when I woke up. I went out to dinner with Chris and Zahra, that was nice. Now I'm being good and resting :) My drain outputs have been a lot lower, I think I might even be able to have my drain removed tomorrow! We shall see.
I know that I have basically no sensation in my right breast, but today I finally made the realization that I can't feel temperature changes. My hands were freezing and I touched it and couldn't feel it at all. It's such a bizarre feeling (err, lack thereof, lol.) It's kind of cool in a way.
I feel like there was something else I wanted to say, but I forget what it was. I don't think this is what it was, but also, I got in trouble for not consistently taking my antibiotics 4x a day like I'm supposed to. I do sometimes, but other times I had been taking it 3x a day. I figured as long as I finished the whole bottle (60 pills!) eventually that it would be okay. Of course not, I should have known there is a reason for prescribing the dosage that they do. Silly me. So now I have to take another week's worth of antibiotics on top of the rest of the first bottle that I have to finish. That's 28 extra pills! I'm being diligent now, I don't want to get in trouble again and I don't want to get an infection from this drain. That would suck.
Also, I realized that I never followed up on here about the biopsy I had on my left breast before my mastectomy. I know I posted it on Facebook, and so did my mom, so most of you already know, but in case you missed it: that turned out to be a Fibroadenoma as suspected. So, completely benign, it doesn't have to be removed or anything. Yay :)
Okay, that's all for now. Whenever I put a heart on here it posts with all this weird stuff behind it, but oh well. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
drains are annoying
I'll tell you, one drain is a lot better than two. Having no drains is what would be ideal. I have an appointment tomorrow with my plastic surgeon, but he said he wants to keep the drain in until it is producing less than 30 ml every 24 hours. Unfortunately, I'm still a little bit over 30, so I have a sad feeling that I won't have my drain removed tomorrow. We shall see. It's not that big of a deal, but the drain is starting to get uncomfortable and it's slightly annoying to always have it there.
I am feeling a lot better, sometimes it seems remarkable that my surgery was only a week and a half ago. I was supposed to be practically on bed rest for the first two weeks, but I have been pretty active lately. I went out to dinner with Justin and Marissa tonight, I'm pretty sure Dr. Lin would have killed me if he saw me. Justin and I went to see Les Mis on Sunday, and my mom and I went to see This is 40 yesterday. This is probably why my drain output has been higher than I would like it to be. Lisa warned me of this, she said it would be frustrating because I would start to feel better and want to do things but would be unable to. At the time I thought, "nah, I don't think I'll have a problem being lazy and sitting on the couch for two weeks." She was right though, and I haven't been sitting around as much as I should. I'm afraid Dr. Lin will tell me to stop being so active - and I was going to ask him if I could start working out anytime soon. I have a feeling that's going to be a no.
Right now I'm in my red silk jammies that my mom got me for Christmas, and I feel pretty sharp. Having all these button up tops has been immensely helpful (thanks Mom, Mom-mom, and Donna for my Christmas presents). I thought by now I would be able to lift my arms enough to put on a tee shirt, but I was wrong. I learned that the hard way earlier today when I tried and failed. I still can't lift my right arm much higher than shoulder height, so I don't know why I thought that was going to end well for me. I'm getting a little too ambitious.
Anyway, that's all for now. I'll let you all know how my appointment goes tomorrow, fingers crossed that I'll have my drain removed.
I am feeling a lot better, sometimes it seems remarkable that my surgery was only a week and a half ago. I was supposed to be practically on bed rest for the first two weeks, but I have been pretty active lately. I went out to dinner with Justin and Marissa tonight, I'm pretty sure Dr. Lin would have killed me if he saw me. Justin and I went to see Les Mis on Sunday, and my mom and I went to see This is 40 yesterday. This is probably why my drain output has been higher than I would like it to be. Lisa warned me of this, she said it would be frustrating because I would start to feel better and want to do things but would be unable to. At the time I thought, "nah, I don't think I'll have a problem being lazy and sitting on the couch for two weeks." She was right though, and I haven't been sitting around as much as I should. I'm afraid Dr. Lin will tell me to stop being so active - and I was going to ask him if I could start working out anytime soon. I have a feeling that's going to be a no.
Right now I'm in my red silk jammies that my mom got me for Christmas, and I feel pretty sharp. Having all these button up tops has been immensely helpful (thanks Mom, Mom-mom, and Donna for my Christmas presents). I thought by now I would be able to lift my arms enough to put on a tee shirt, but I was wrong. I learned that the hard way earlier today when I tried and failed. I still can't lift my right arm much higher than shoulder height, so I don't know why I thought that was going to end well for me. I'm getting a little too ambitious.
Anyway, that's all for now. I'll let you all know how my appointment goes tomorrow, fingers crossed that I'll have my drain removed.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!
It's 2013! Which everyone knows, but still. I haven't made any resolutions yet, maybe I'll get on that. Haha.
So it's been 5 days since my surgery, and I'm feeling pretty good. I've been really fortunate to have Justin here to take care of me. He had to leave today :( but my family has been great too. I've been getting lots of visitors which is nice, it's good to have interaction with the real world. For the most part I've been sleeping/lying on the couch.
The first part of my recovery was really hard, but it's been getting better every day. When I woke up from my surgery I was really nauseous and uncomfortable. It was nothing like when I woke up from my lumpectomy. I was also really really thirsty, I kept asking for water but they told me it would make my nausea worse, and gave me ice chips instead. I wanted to see my family, but they told me I had to wait until I could be moved to my room, and that couldn't be done until they finished cleaning the room. (Seemed weird to me, but I was really out of it so I just went along with it.) I later found out that they told my parents that I couldn't be moved because I was too nauseous, and that they couldn't come see me for that reason. That doesn't make sense, but it's okay, I finally got to see them after my ~hour in recovery. As they were wheeling me to the elevator to go up to my room, I saw my Mom standing in the hallway waiting for me. I was so happy to see her! [Side note, I can feel my last pain pill really starting to kick in, so sorry if the rest of this blog isn't very eloquently written.] Then after we got to my room, I saw my Dad, Jeffrey, Justin, and my snooksipoo Marissa! At some point Chris and Zahra came and brought me flowers. Justin stayed overnight with me, and even though I was in a double room with no other patient, they didn't let him sleep in the other bed. The nurse said he had to leave it open in case someone else was admitted (and of course no one was, I was in the emptier section of the hospital). They also didn't let him sleep in the same bed with me. Poor guy ended up sleeping on the floor :( It was a rough night, the nausea was really worse than the pain. The next morning was better, I finally got upgraded to eating solid food and had eggs and potatoes (taters) for breakfast.
Later that morning I got discharged from the hospital and finally got to go home. There have been a few rough patches - almost passing out, fevers, more nausea, stuff like that - but like I said, better every day.
Yesterday I finally got my hair washed and dried by the lovely Tina; she opened the salon just for me. After that, I went and got one of my 2 drains removed. That little trip was my first big outing since my return from the hospital, and it was exhausting! I was starting to get pretty tired while sitting in the chair getting my hair done, and by the time I was in the waiting room at Kaiser I was falling asleep next to my mom.
Today has been my best day so far, I've been awake all day and haven't been in too much pain. I am about ready to close my eyes and rest for a little bit, so that's all for now. Happy New Year everyone! <3 p="p">
So it's been 5 days since my surgery, and I'm feeling pretty good. I've been really fortunate to have Justin here to take care of me. He had to leave today :( but my family has been great too. I've been getting lots of visitors which is nice, it's good to have interaction with the real world. For the most part I've been sleeping/lying on the couch.
The first part of my recovery was really hard, but it's been getting better every day. When I woke up from my surgery I was really nauseous and uncomfortable. It was nothing like when I woke up from my lumpectomy. I was also really really thirsty, I kept asking for water but they told me it would make my nausea worse, and gave me ice chips instead. I wanted to see my family, but they told me I had to wait until I could be moved to my room, and that couldn't be done until they finished cleaning the room. (Seemed weird to me, but I was really out of it so I just went along with it.) I later found out that they told my parents that I couldn't be moved because I was too nauseous, and that they couldn't come see me for that reason. That doesn't make sense, but it's okay, I finally got to see them after my ~hour in recovery. As they were wheeling me to the elevator to go up to my room, I saw my Mom standing in the hallway waiting for me. I was so happy to see her! [Side note, I can feel my last pain pill really starting to kick in, so sorry if the rest of this blog isn't very eloquently written.] Then after we got to my room, I saw my Dad, Jeffrey, Justin, and my snooksipoo Marissa! At some point Chris and Zahra came and brought me flowers. Justin stayed overnight with me, and even though I was in a double room with no other patient, they didn't let him sleep in the other bed. The nurse said he had to leave it open in case someone else was admitted (and of course no one was, I was in the emptier section of the hospital). They also didn't let him sleep in the same bed with me. Poor guy ended up sleeping on the floor :( It was a rough night, the nausea was really worse than the pain. The next morning was better, I finally got upgraded to eating solid food and had eggs and potatoes (taters) for breakfast.
Later that morning I got discharged from the hospital and finally got to go home. There have been a few rough patches - almost passing out, fevers, more nausea, stuff like that - but like I said, better every day.
Yesterday I finally got my hair washed and dried by the lovely Tina; she opened the salon just for me. After that, I went and got one of my 2 drains removed. That little trip was my first big outing since my return from the hospital, and it was exhausting! I was starting to get pretty tired while sitting in the chair getting my hair done, and by the time I was in the waiting room at Kaiser I was falling asleep next to my mom.
Today has been my best day so far, I've been awake all day and haven't been in too much pain. I am about ready to close my eyes and rest for a little bit, so that's all for now. Happy New Year everyone! <3 p="p">
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
things are about to get real
School is finally over for the semester! I finished my finals today, and now I can just relax. Except not really. I still have to finish Christmas shopping, I have two doctors appointments this week, and I have to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for my mastectomy.
I watched a web-series on YouTube about a girl named Claudia. I came across it a long time ago when I was looking for videos about mastectomies, so I could get an idea of what the recovery process would be like. She is a girl about my age with a genetic mutation called BRCA 1, which gave her an ~85% risk of developing breast cancer. In order to defy those odds, she underwent a preventative bilateral mastectomy and documented her journey. In one of her videos, she met up with the founder of the Keep-A-Breast foundation and had her torso made into a cast. This way, she will always remember her natural form.
I loved this idea! Of course there are pictures, but the idea of having a tangible representation of my body forever before I permanently change the way my chest looks was so comforting to me. I looked up the Keep-A-Breast foundation and saw that I could apply for their Treasured Chest program. I wasn't sure how that would work, since they are based in LA. I didn't think I would have time to go all the way there to have a breast cast made before my surgery, but I submitted an application to see what would happen. I got an email shortly after telling me that I would be receiving my DIY casting kit very soon. That made so much more sense, and they were right, only a couple of days later I got a package in the mail. It looked just like a Treasure Chest, and inside were all kinds of goodies, including plaster strips and an instructional DVD on how to make a breast cast. It looks like a fun and slightly messy project, hopefully my mom and I can figure it out. Then once I make it, I can decorate it. Or maybe I can have someone decorate it for me - I'm still trying to decide. I'm also still trying to decide how I want to decorate it, what kind of tone I want it to convey, etc. I'm really looking forward to making my cast and seeing how it turns out.
I cannot believe my mastectomy is in 9 days (I guess 8 now, since it's after midnight). The closer it gets, the more real it gets. The more real it gets, the harder it is to stay complacent about it. Some people have had the pleasure of witnessing me burst into tears for seemingly no reason. I'm really scared. Of what exactly, I'm not sure. I know everything will be fine, but I don't know that there won't be any complications. I don't know for sure how it will turn out. I don't know how painful the recovery is going to be, or the expansion process, or the removal of the surgical drains. Or maybe I'm more scared of what I do know - that I won't have any sensation in my right breast. That it won't really be a breast anymore. That I won't have a nipple there. One thing that is really helping me with all of this is that I'll still have the left side. And, I will still be me at the end of this long journey. If anything, I'll be even stronger and more self-aware because of it. My physical appearance will change slightly, hopefully for the better, but it won't change who I am. So really, I don't have all that much to be afraid of, especially because of the amazing support system I have. I appreciate you all so so so much. And I appreciate being able to vent my feelings on here. It's nice just to have people to listen to me, and it's nice to have the whole internet listen to me, lol. I do not know what I would do without you guys, the people who have been there for me in more ways than I could list. The people who have given me courage and positive thoughts. The people who have listened to my fears and let me feel the way that I feel. Thank you all.
I have an appointment tomorrow for another ultrasound. I asked my breast surgeon about getting one to make sure that there isn't anything to worry about in my left breast before they do the mastectomy. I also want to get an ultrasound of my abdominal area, since Fibromatosis usually shows up there, and the only reason I knew to get my breast checked out was because of the physical change that I saw. I didn't see or feel a "lump," so how would I know that there's not anything in my stomach or my other breast? I'm sure there's not, but I'm relieved that it's going to be verified.
On Thursday, I have another appointment - my pre-op appointment. Then a week later I'll be going in for my surgery. I can't believe it's almost here. Lisa, my neighbor, gave me a CD to listen to that she listened to before, during, and after her surgery. I've listened to the first few tracks a few times - the last couple are for after the surgery. I'm going to ask if I can listen to it during my surgery, which I'm sure I'll be able to, since Lisa and I have the same surgeons. It's very calming to listen to, the first few times I listened to it I fell asleep before I could finish it. They recommend not listening to it while driving, and I can understand why. Listening to it has been helping me prepare myself, especially when I'm feeling extra anxious.
Okay, that's all for now. I need to go to sleep, heading to Kaiser in the morning. Nighty night.
*Edit: 12/20 - Of course, they found something in my left breast at my ultrasound appointment yesterday. It's probably something called Fibroadenoma according to the radiologist, which is no big deal. I had it biopsied today just to make sure that it's nothing, and I should find out the results of that tomorrow or Monday.
I hope it's tomorrow, I HATE the waiting process.
I watched a web-series on YouTube about a girl named Claudia. I came across it a long time ago when I was looking for videos about mastectomies, so I could get an idea of what the recovery process would be like. She is a girl about my age with a genetic mutation called BRCA 1, which gave her an ~85% risk of developing breast cancer. In order to defy those odds, she underwent a preventative bilateral mastectomy and documented her journey. In one of her videos, she met up with the founder of the Keep-A-Breast foundation and had her torso made into a cast. This way, she will always remember her natural form.
I loved this idea! Of course there are pictures, but the idea of having a tangible representation of my body forever before I permanently change the way my chest looks was so comforting to me. I looked up the Keep-A-Breast foundation and saw that I could apply for their Treasured Chest program. I wasn't sure how that would work, since they are based in LA. I didn't think I would have time to go all the way there to have a breast cast made before my surgery, but I submitted an application to see what would happen. I got an email shortly after telling me that I would be receiving my DIY casting kit very soon. That made so much more sense, and they were right, only a couple of days later I got a package in the mail. It looked just like a Treasure Chest, and inside were all kinds of goodies, including plaster strips and an instructional DVD on how to make a breast cast. It looks like a fun and slightly messy project, hopefully my mom and I can figure it out. Then once I make it, I can decorate it. Or maybe I can have someone decorate it for me - I'm still trying to decide. I'm also still trying to decide how I want to decorate it, what kind of tone I want it to convey, etc. I'm really looking forward to making my cast and seeing how it turns out.
I cannot believe my mastectomy is in 9 days (I guess 8 now, since it's after midnight). The closer it gets, the more real it gets. The more real it gets, the harder it is to stay complacent about it. Some people have had the pleasure of witnessing me burst into tears for seemingly no reason. I'm really scared. Of what exactly, I'm not sure. I know everything will be fine, but I don't know that there won't be any complications. I don't know for sure how it will turn out. I don't know how painful the recovery is going to be, or the expansion process, or the removal of the surgical drains. Or maybe I'm more scared of what I do know - that I won't have any sensation in my right breast. That it won't really be a breast anymore. That I won't have a nipple there. One thing that is really helping me with all of this is that I'll still have the left side. And, I will still be me at the end of this long journey. If anything, I'll be even stronger and more self-aware because of it. My physical appearance will change slightly, hopefully for the better, but it won't change who I am. So really, I don't have all that much to be afraid of, especially because of the amazing support system I have. I appreciate you all so so so much. And I appreciate being able to vent my feelings on here. It's nice just to have people to listen to me, and it's nice to have the whole internet listen to me, lol. I do not know what I would do without you guys, the people who have been there for me in more ways than I could list. The people who have given me courage and positive thoughts. The people who have listened to my fears and let me feel the way that I feel. Thank you all.
I have an appointment tomorrow for another ultrasound. I asked my breast surgeon about getting one to make sure that there isn't anything to worry about in my left breast before they do the mastectomy. I also want to get an ultrasound of my abdominal area, since Fibromatosis usually shows up there, and the only reason I knew to get my breast checked out was because of the physical change that I saw. I didn't see or feel a "lump," so how would I know that there's not anything in my stomach or my other breast? I'm sure there's not, but I'm relieved that it's going to be verified.
On Thursday, I have another appointment - my pre-op appointment. Then a week later I'll be going in for my surgery. I can't believe it's almost here. Lisa, my neighbor, gave me a CD to listen to that she listened to before, during, and after her surgery. I've listened to the first few tracks a few times - the last couple are for after the surgery. I'm going to ask if I can listen to it during my surgery, which I'm sure I'll be able to, since Lisa and I have the same surgeons. It's very calming to listen to, the first few times I listened to it I fell asleep before I could finish it. They recommend not listening to it while driving, and I can understand why. Listening to it has been helping me prepare myself, especially when I'm feeling extra anxious.
Okay, that's all for now. I need to go to sleep, heading to Kaiser in the morning. Nighty night.
*Edit: 12/20 - Of course, they found something in my left breast at my ultrasound appointment yesterday. It's probably something called Fibroadenoma according to the radiologist, which is no big deal. I had it biopsied today just to make sure that it's nothing, and I should find out the results of that tomorrow or Monday.
I hope it's tomorrow, I HATE the waiting process.
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