Another Friday night in.

I'm sitting in my room, safe from the torrential storm going on outside. The weather in Santa Barbara has been so bipolar lately... but that's not the point.

Actually, I don't particularly have a point. I never do. I just felt like writing.

Let's see... well, today I had my last o-chem midterm! Also my last midterm in general, unless the bio lab quiz counts. I think that's more like a final than a midterm. The o-chem test went alright I think. I was pleasantly surprised, I went into the test without a doubt that I would bomb it. But it turns out I knew more than I thought I did. I'm just hoping it'll be enough for me to get a passing grade in the class. A B would be nice, I'm definitely not counting on an A. *sigh* I hate o-chem.

Aside from that, I have been very sleep deprived lately. I took a nice ~2 hour nap earlier this evening. It was heavenly. I'm looking forward to being able to sleep for more than 4 hours tonight. It shall be enjoyable.

I've been working out more regularly lately. It's good. I don't know why I never worked out last year. I went my whole life always being in shape. When I wasn't doing soccer, I was doing swim team. When I wasn't doing either, I was still very active. When I worked at a gym for two consecutive summers, I worked out nearly every day. Then I came to college and became incredibly lazy. I never worked out, and on top of that I ate a ton. Darn all you can eat dining commons. I mean, I'm not complaining, but I didn't know how to control myself. Thus, I gained the freshman 15. And then some. Well, I dunno how much I gained but I felt so chubby. And so lazy and so out of shape. And I didn't do anything about it. But now I am and it feels great. I feel good about myself again, and I feel healthier. I think I'm almost back to my pre-college self. Just trying to get my abs back to how they used to be. I'm getting there! :]

It's almost 11:11. Make a wish. Any second now... ... dum dee dum. Now!

Since I'm on a roll just talking about myself, I guess I'll mention that I've been thinking a lot about school lately. I had planned out my schedule for the rest of my college career, assuming I go ahead with the aquatic bio major and that all the classes offered are the same as this year, and came to the realization that I could potentially graduate a year early. That is, if I ditched the Spanish minor. It's a tempting idea, but now I'm thinking I might be better off taking the whole four years to graduate. I realized that with my pitiful grade in math 3C last year (C-), I can retake the class to get a better grade for my GPA. That would help my GPA soooo much, especially if I could get an A. I think I could, that class was just stupid. The prof didn't curve, so even though I got above average on everything, I got a C-. That means a lot of people failed. So anyway, if I took it with someone who curves, and since it would be the second time seeing the material, I'm pretty sure I could at least improve. But, if I were to do that, I don't know when I would take it. It does not fit into my planned schedule. And I don't know if my planned schedule will even work out. And I kinda sorta want to stick with the Spanish minor. So I dunno, we shall see. I'll just take things as they come.

Okie doke, I think I'm going to procure a snack and watch a movie. Cellular or Finding Graceland? That is the question. Decisions, decisions.

Ta ta.

Support Pepsi!

Last night, as I was...procrastinating and goofing around on the internet... I came across a rather disturbing website. It is a website rallying for the kind of support that makes me think we live in a nation of completely warped-minded people. It is a website instructing people to boycott PepsiCo for the sole reason that they support gay rights.

Now, although I am a very avid supporter of gay equality, I do understand that there are people with different views than me. I hate to be stereotypical, but these people tend to be religious and very strict about the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman. I am not bashing people with these beliefs. I understand where they are coming from and sometimes I have thought myself that they have a point about the marriage thing. I still wholeheartedly support gay marriage, but I kind of understand why some people don't.

However, I DO NOT see why people have such a problem with the gay lifestyle. They act as if simply being homosexual is immoral and should not be supported. It's almost like they truly believe that homosexuals choose to be homosexual and are trying to convert us heteros to the gay lifestyle. Silly, silly people.

Here are some (only some) of the ridiculous statements I found on the website against PepsiCo.

"AFA asked Pepsi to remain neutral in the culture war, but the company refused — choosing to support the homosexual activists. Pepsi has made no effort to hide their support for the homosexual agenda:"

Okay, this is the very first thing on the website, under a large header reading "Reasons for the boycott." They act as if Pepsi is being stubborn by "refusing" to "hide their support for the homosexual agenda." Like companies aren't allowed to support things, especially not something that everyone should support these days. Plus, gay agenda? They say it like gay people are on a mission for evil or something.

Moving right along.

"American Family Association asked PepsiCo to be neutral in the culture war and not support the homosexual agenda. PepsiCo refused. The company continues to give financial support to homosexual organizations. PepsiCo gave $500,000 to Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and another $500,000 to the Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). The total of $1,000,000 was used to help promote homosexuality in the workplace. HRC and PFLAG were major supporters of efforts to defeat Proposition 8 in California, which defined marriage as being between a man and a woman. HRC gave $2.3 million to the effort to defeat Prop 8."

Oh man, here we go. So the HRC and PFLAG promote homosexuality in the workplace, apparently. What exactly does that mean? Sounds to me like they're trying to turn everyone gay. Funny, that doesn't sound like something those campaigns are trying to acheive...

"PepsiCo requires all employees to attend sexual orientation and gender identity diversity training where they are taught to accept homosexuality."

Why, that's preposterous! How could PepsiCo do a thing like that? Try to promote equality? I mean, come on. Might as well throw out all your Pepsi now.

I'm going to go ahead and skip to my favorite one.

"PepsiCo, while promoting the homosexual agenda, refuses to give one penny to help those trapped in this destructive and unhealthy lifestyle."

Quick, we must rescue the gays from their chosen "destructive" lifestyles! They're ruining everyone else's lives, apparently!

Anyway, all sarcasm aside... I think I got the wrong message from the "Boycott PepsiCo" website. I have the sudden urge to go buy and drink as much Pepsi as I can, and I don't even drink soda. And when I do it's usally Coke. But yeah, Pepsi just got a bunch of points in my book.

If you want to see the other silly things the American Family Association has to say about Pepsi and Gay Rights:
http://www.boycottpepsico.com/

Ta Ta for now.

Postscript. I said I got the "wrong" message from the website. What I mean by that is that I got their "unintended" message. By no means do I think this is the wrong message. :]

better days.

I'm feeling whimsical, so I thought I would post an update on stuff. Plus I'm bored.

As is probably evident from previous posts, I went through a slump a while back that lasted a few months. It actually started about a year ago and things continually got worse and worse until I was just plain depressed.

Anyway, enough of the depressing reminiscing. The point here is that I am no longer feeling so blue. In fact, life is great! Save for the fact that I'm screwed if I don't get into this physics class I'm crashing, things basically couldn't be better. I'm in the dorms again, this time with an awesome ocean view and a not insane living situation... And things have been running a lot more smoothly in general than what I'm used to.

Granted, the things of the past still carry on in my heart; some more than others. But all in all, I'm hanging in there just fine :] I'm keeping my hopes high that this year will continue to be a good one.

Oh, and since I'm here, I feel the need to share that I kinda sorta have a plan for my life. I am going to finally declare my major! Pre-bio! haha. I have been considering doing marine biology once I'm done with the pre-bio major.. my dad would be so proud! Plus, even if I don't end up being a marine biologist, I still have all those science classes that can provide me with a plethora of career options. Also, marine biology seems like it'd be a tad more interesting than biological sciences or something like that. Also, I plan to minor in Spanish if I have time. I really want to, I love Spanish!

As I sit here, eating my pudding cup, I can't help but realize I must be the biggest nerd in the world to be sitting in my room on a Friday night. What can I say, this is just how I do.

Well, ta ta for now :]

PS. Happy Birthday Donna! The big 2 0 !!!

why can't I cry?

I'm so sad right now,
The saddest I've been in a while.
But no tears have formed in days,
So I just put on a fake smile.
I pretend like everything is fine
And I'm happy as can be
But really...
I just
Want
To
Crawl
In a hole
And
Cry a
Sea.

Happy Birthday to ME

Well, today I turn the big 19. Isn't that great?!?

Except, my boyfriend is pissed at me because he feels that I cheated on him and betrayed him. And he is upset that I am not taking what I did as a big deal. Of course, I can't stand when people cheat on their SO's. It's horrible. So why would I do such a thing and feel so nonchalant about it? Well, I don't feel nonchalant because my boyfriend, my love, my life does not, and I would never want to cheat on him or do anything to cause him such sadness. And yet I did... what's going on here?

Mmkay, here's what happened. It's New Years Eve. I'm not much of a drinker, but I was hanging out with my dear friend who I'll call Susie and we decided to have a few drinks. My boyfriend was working all night, so unfortunately I couldn't bring in the new year with him. Anyway, so Susie and I are like best friends, and since it was just her and I together to celebrate 2009, we ended up kissing each other. Just a couple pecks. I thought it was no big deal. I was ashamed that I had drank so much that night, but not so much that I kissed my best friend cuz I thought it was just harmless fun.

Here's the problem - he does NOT see it that way. In the beginning of our relationship we discussed what we considered cheating, and we came to the agreement that kissing someone else was cheating. Silly I thought that that implied kissing someone of the opposite sex, and that it didn't include best friends of the same sex. Another mistake I made was that I didn't tell him about it until tonight, 3 months after the incident. This I do feel very bad for, the reason I didn't tell him sooner was because I was ashamed that I drank after I said I wouldn't again. I know this is a stupid excuse, that there is no excuse for not telling him sooner and for keeping such a secret from him. But I honestly thought that if he was going to get mad, it would be about the drinking, not about the kissing. He is really upset for these reasons: that I kissed a girl, essentially cheating on him from his perspective, that I took so long to tell him about it, and that I don't feel that what I did (kissing a girl) was wrong.

I do not feel that me kissing my friend really counts as cheating on him. If I felt that way even a little bit back when this was going on, I would NOT have done it. I'm unsure of what I should think. I know that we said kissing someone else was cheating. Maybe that's it, and I shouldn't be allowed to have thought there were hidden details in our agreement on what constitutes cheating. I do feel HORRIBLE that what I did has hurt him so much. I do not want him to feel that I am untrustworthy and I want him to know that I will never do anything like that again now that I truly understand how hurtful he feels it is.

I guess I should have known that it would be considered cheating since we said kissing is cheating.

I dunno...

I feel horrible for the whole situation.

Happy birthday to me.

Lent

I'm giving up something for Lent. Something that I greatly cherish and I don't know if I'll be able to last, but we shall see.

I

am

not

going

to

PROCRASTINATE!

Okay, so I dunno if I would say that I cherish procrastination. But it is definitely a time-sucker in my life. And I know I'm kind of procrastinating right now since I have a chem midterm and lab due tomorrow and I'm on here again. But this is just a quickie, so it doesn't count.

Now, I don't know if this is really an appropriate thing to give up. I don't know if it's supposed to be something tangible or something you do... but I guess procrastinating could be considered an activity. In reality, it's pretty much any activity that you shouldn't be doing because of something else that is more important... man, this is going to be HARD!

Well... wish me luck.

[Oh no! Does this mean no more Word Challenge?]

friends make the world go 'round.

Sometimes you just need an ear.
Sometimes you just need a shoulder.
Sometimes you just need a hand.
Sometimes you just need an embrace.

Sometimes you just need a friend. <3